California

After three days in Northern California, the unthinkable has already happened - I am waking up every day with a  smile. Perhaps it is the sunny days, the broad open roads, or the skies of the purest azure, but life here is just so...good, in the simplest way possible. How could you look out the window at this scenery and not be happy? Combine this gorgeous weather with great coffee and never-ending wine country, and you have the formula for happiness. In fact, the huge smile on my face is more likely the product of a hangover, but who cares?

Tomorrow, I am heading to San Francisco. Cable cars, Fisherman's Wharf, hilly terrain, and tidal waves of gold rush history await. I'm only too eager to get there.

Born Rich (or Privileged?)

I just devoured a giant cupcake.

What does this mean? It means once again, I'm feeling anxious about life. Graduation is looming, I'm finishing up my last two college classes in five weeks. I have to begin my career soon and what if I fail at it? Some say expectation is the cause of all disappointment, and in my case, I have been feeding some pretty damn expectations into my own brain for years.

Although, after watching this documentary, I can't help but see parallels between them and myself. I constantly fret about my future, but I also want to stick a #FIRSTWORLDPROBLEMS sign on my forehead. Yes, I am a privileged middle class kid who worries about how I can make my life meaningful. Meanwhile, I really have no right to complain about anything when I've already been so lucky.

Sometimes I wish I could just grow up more.

People who inspire me: Part II

One thing that always intrigued me about Catholicism is the idea of patron saints. I believe all of us needs such a figure in our lives, whether religious or not, to inspire and to guide us on the road ahead. The Happiness Project got me thinking - who are my patron saints? Each of the people listed possess qualities that are important to me.

鲁迅：for his vision, his courage to speak up when everyone else stayed silent, how his writings shaped a nation's psyche

Esther Duflo: for her inspirational work in development economics

Jane Goodall: for her dedication to things she is passionate about

Lee Kwan Yew: for his self-confidence, his (measured) outspokenness,  and his emphasis on efficiency and results

My grandfather: for being the most principled man I've ever met, his incredible kindness, his unjaded nature, and even at age 81, preserving a childlike curiosity towards the world

铁屋中的清醒者

周日清晨，我重新拾起了那本早被翻烂的《呐喊》，为的是安抚我浮躁不已的心。

“假如一间铁屋子，是绝无窗户而万难破毁的，里面有许多熟睡的人们，不久都要闷死了，然而是从昏睡入死灭，并不感到就死的悲哀。现在你大嚷起来，惊起了较为清醒的几个人，使这不幸的少数者来受无可挽救的临终的苦楚，你倒以为对得起他们么？”

鲁迅先生的警句就像一把火，照亮了我的视野。21世纪的中国社会，和100年前的动荡乱世比起来，怎是这么相像！100年前，中华民族输在懦弱无能，而如今，我们输在道德败坏！改革开放三十年后，人们腰包鼓了，也顺手把几千年的伦理观念也丢了。我们在学校背了那么多《论语》和《道德经》，可是当看到一个血淋漓的小女孩躺在路上的时候却安心的杨长而过。这样的社会又有什么前途？

最终剩下的只是无奈。

The best people I've met in a long time

A place I will go back to

Starfish Colony, Bora Bora, French Polynesia

Source: tumblr



I miss Tahiti, the pain au coco, Gabilou, hammocks, and poisson cru. That language exchange was the three weeks of my teenage life. Period.

忆童年 - 北京篇 1

不知什么时候, 90后们也到了怀旧的年龄。或许是因为最近重读了一遍Vladimir Nabokov的Speak，Memory，或许是受到了季羡林先生《因梦集》的启发，我竟也开始写回忆录了！这个夏天，我想把自己记忆中20年的点点滴滴记录下来，以防自己忘掉这些极珍贵的回忆。这些文字常常是我在咖啡馆避暑时写在一个小本子里的，准备分成4篇 - “《北京》、《温哥华》、《奥克兰》、〈新加坡〉。本来芝加哥应该是第五篇，可是这里的记忆在脑中太新鲜，写出来未必有所谓的“hindsight”。从学前开始讲吧！

1. 学前

小学前，我一直随外祖父母生活在新华社离休干部的小圈子里面。姥姥和姥爷把我照顾的无微不至，每天照例去老干部局散步一圈，吃可口的南方小菜，惬意无穷。再加上像逛菜市场、去文化宫、和看下象棋这样有趣的事情做，我从来就没觉得无聊过。运气好的时候，还能吃上猪耳朵和新华社特有的“大辫子”面包！童年最美妙的回忆也不过如此。

对于在新华社幼儿园度过的几年，几件事情我如今都记忆犹新。我三四岁时插班进园，先到中二班，后升学到大二班，一直与“二”有缘，当时还频为自豪。有个女生刘畅和我关系极好，每天形影不离。中二班有个老师极宠我们两个，上美术课的时候总让我们发彩水笔，这可是当时最令人羡慕的活儿。后来快毕业时，我还为今后不和她上一所小学而伤心了很久。到了大二班，生活中的烦恼渐渐增多，不但失宠，还开始跟别的小朋友闹矛盾。我想是因为长大了的缘故吧！

大二班的马老师好像一开始就看我不顺眼。一天，她突然打电话给妈妈，告发我叫她“大贼眼儿”这大逆不道的行为。妈自然不信这莫须有的罪名，于是马老师对我的恨日夜加深。那时候，我刚开始学钢琴，演奏水平自然是不堪设想。班上另一个叫黄叶的小女生却已经有了两年的钢琴训练，平时极出风头。一次上音乐课时，黄叶弹了一首《献给爱丽丝》，虽然现在回想起来很糟糕，可我们当时听着就如天堂传来的美乐。她的表演结束后，马老师指示我也出来“献丑”，于是我只好硬着头皮弹了一首车尔尼599的练习曲，里面只有dou re dou re 这两个音符。你想能好听吗？我的演奏水平之差，至今都无法想象，只记得全班哑口无声，连点头的都没有，更别提掌声了。马老师冷笑了两声，道：“你在音乐方面显然没有天赋，我看你一辈子也赶不上黄叶！” 我小时天真纯朴，没有多余的心眼儿，所以听了她的挖苦后即没有丧失信心，也没有嫉恨黄叶，自己脸红了一阵就罢了。现在一想，这番话出自一个教育者口中，绝对是犯罪行为。

马老师虽然对教育工作没有热情，但是却极其期望回报。毕业前夕，她经常用以前学生送过的种种礼品暗示我们去“孝敬”她，恶心地我毛骨悚然。幼儿园生涯的最后一堂课，她亲自带领我们唱一首〈不忘恩师〉，还不忘提醒大家流泪。我因为对煽情的东西没有抵抗力，还真的掉了眼泪，于是离别的时候马老师破天荒地摸了摸我的头，想来也是感到惭愧吧。

就这样，我结束了无忧无虑的学前生活。关于在太平湖和朝阳门小学发生的各种趣事，请看下一篇！