People who inspire me: Part II

One thing that always intrigued me about Catholicism is the idea of patron saints. I believe all of us needs such a figure in our lives, whether religious or not, to inspire and to guide us on the road ahead. The Happiness Project got me thinking - who are my patron saints? Each of the people listed possess qualities that are important to me.

鲁迅：for his vision, his courage to speak up when everyone else stayed silent, how his writings shaped a nation's psyche

Esther Duflo: for her inspirational work in development economics

Jane Goodall: for her dedication to things she is passionate about

Lee Kwan Yew: for his self-confidence, his (measured) outspokenness,  and his emphasis on efficiency and results

My grandfather: for being the most principled man I've ever met, his incredible kindness, his unjaded nature, and even at age 81, preserving a childlike curiosity towards the world

铁屋中的清醒者

周日清晨，我重新拾起了那本早被翻烂的《呐喊》，为的是安抚我浮躁不已的心。

“假如一间铁屋子，是绝无窗户而万难破毁的，里面有许多熟睡的人们，不久都要闷死了，然而是从昏睡入死灭，并不感到就死的悲哀。现在你大嚷起来，惊起了较为清醒的几个人，使这不幸的少数者来受无可挽救的临终的苦楚，你倒以为对得起他们么？”

鲁迅先生的警句就像一把火，照亮了我的视野。21世纪的中国社会，和100年前的动荡乱世比起来，怎是这么相像！100年前，中华民族输在懦弱无能，而如今，我们输在道德败坏！改革开放三十年后，人们腰包鼓了，也顺手把几千年的伦理观念也丢了。我们在学校背了那么多《论语》和《道德经》，可是当看到一个血淋漓的小女孩躺在路上的时候却安心的杨长而过。这样的社会又有什么前途？

最终剩下的只是无奈。

The best people I've met in a long time

A place I will go back to

Starfish Colony, Bora Bora, French Polynesia

Source: tumblr



I miss Tahiti, the pain au coco, Gabilou, hammocks, and poisson cru. That language exchange was the three weeks of my teenage life. Period.

忆童年 - 北京篇 1

不知什么时候, 90后们也到了怀旧的年龄。或许是因为最近重读了一遍Vladimir Nabokov的Speak，Memory，或许是受到了季羡林先生《因梦集》的启发，我竟也开始写回忆录了！这个夏天，我想把自己记忆中20年的点点滴滴记录下来，以防自己忘掉这些极珍贵的回忆。这些文字常常是我在咖啡馆避暑时写在一个小本子里的，准备分成4篇 - “《北京》、《温哥华》、《奥克兰》、〈新加坡〉。本来芝加哥应该是第五篇，可是这里的记忆在脑中太新鲜，写出来未必有所谓的“hindsight”。从学前开始讲吧！

1. 学前

小学前，我一直随外祖父母生活在新华社离休干部的小圈子里面。姥姥和姥爷把我照顾的无微不至，每天照例去老干部局散步一圈，吃可口的南方小菜，惬意无穷。再加上像逛菜市场、去文化宫、和看下象棋这样有趣的事情做，我从来就没觉得无聊过。运气好的时候，还能吃上猪耳朵和新华社特有的“大辫子”面包！童年最美妙的回忆也不过如此。

对于在新华社幼儿园度过的几年，几件事情我如今都记忆犹新。我三四岁时插班进园，先到中二班，后升学到大二班，一直与“二”有缘，当时还频为自豪。有个女生刘畅和我关系极好，每天形影不离。中二班有个老师极宠我们两个，上美术课的时候总让我们发彩水笔，这可是当时最令人羡慕的活儿。后来快毕业时，我还为今后不和她上一所小学而伤心了很久。到了大二班，生活中的烦恼渐渐增多，不但失宠，还开始跟别的小朋友闹矛盾。我想是因为长大了的缘故吧！

大二班的马老师好像一开始就看我不顺眼。一天，她突然打电话给妈妈，告发我叫她“大贼眼儿”这大逆不道的行为。妈自然不信这莫须有的罪名，于是马老师对我的恨日夜加深。那时候，我刚开始学钢琴，演奏水平自然是不堪设想。班上另一个叫黄叶的小女生却已经有了两年的钢琴训练，平时极出风头。一次上音乐课时，黄叶弹了一首《献给爱丽丝》，虽然现在回想起来很糟糕，可我们当时听着就如天堂传来的美乐。她的表演结束后，马老师指示我也出来“献丑”，于是我只好硬着头皮弹了一首车尔尼599的练习曲，里面只有dou re dou re 这两个音符。你想能好听吗？我的演奏水平之差，至今都无法想象，只记得全班哑口无声，连点头的都没有，更别提掌声了。马老师冷笑了两声，道：“你在音乐方面显然没有天赋，我看你一辈子也赶不上黄叶！” 我小时天真纯朴，没有多余的心眼儿，所以听了她的挖苦后即没有丧失信心，也没有嫉恨黄叶，自己脸红了一阵就罢了。现在一想，这番话出自一个教育者口中，绝对是犯罪行为。

马老师虽然对教育工作没有热情，但是却极其期望回报。毕业前夕，她经常用以前学生送过的种种礼品暗示我们去“孝敬”她，恶心地我毛骨悚然。幼儿园生涯的最后一堂课，她亲自带领我们唱一首〈不忘恩师〉，还不忘提醒大家流泪。我因为对煽情的东西没有抵抗力，还真的掉了眼泪，于是离别的时候马老师破天荒地摸了摸我的头，想来也是感到惭愧吧。

就这样，我结束了无忧无虑的学前生活。关于在太平湖和朝阳门小学发生的各种趣事，请看下一篇！

Keeping Calm in :SLDKFJ:SLKDFJ:LSKDJF@@!~!#! Situations

On Tuesday night I went to a BCG info session after work. I walked in having ran straight from the Metra station, panting, hair unkempt, and looking gross in general. In the next hour or so I managed to discreetly groom myself while nodding to the slides and appearing very much engaged (a skill I picked up from attending numerous boring-as-fuck staff meetings). The consultants were so intelligent and impressive and charming and radiated so much awesomeness in general that I just gawked at them the entire time, day-dreaming about my (yet) non-existent high-flyer life. Worst mistake ever. I REALLY should have paid more attention, because, what happened next was so embarassing that I still can't live it down.

After they finished, I went to ask a question. For some stupid reason, I was convinced that the guy's name was Dan. Since names are usually the only thing I remember from a presentation, I didn't even doubt myself and even felt smug about my ability to have people's names imprinted in my brain.

Me: Hi Dan!!! I'm Kathy, nice to meet you!
Hot charming smart awesome consultant: Hi Kathy, I'm Adam. Nice to meet you too.
Me: ............................................

Ok, so it's not that big a deal. But I called him the wrong name and he didn't even flinch. I think I literally froze for a couple of seconds before smiling awkwardly and continuing with my question, while inside all I could think of was F***! F***! F***! Wow, I will never take any names for granted, again, ever.

I fail at networking.

The Ultimate Feel-Good Song

Ah Niu's songs are so cute.

I can't help but click play repeatedly for the past hour. I've played his 24-song playlist on youtube repeatedly since arriving at work this morning. I know my colleages think I'm retarded when they walk past me and see me nodding to happy-go-lucky 90s Mandopop songs. Hahahahaha. Oh well. These songs make me happy and (dare I say it?) even generate favourable feelings towards Excel.

I'm speechless

I read today that this above magnet is a best-seller among middle-school girls in America.

I mean, really America?

You know, I'm sure the Western media has the masses convinced that the Chinese massacre girls because of severe gender discrimination in our country. Here in Chicago, too many times have I been asked, by fairly intelligent and educated people no less, whether my family hates me because I am a girl under the One-Child Policy. Once, someone even asked me whether they contemplated aborting/killing me once the ultrasound revealed my gender as a fetus.

Then, I see the slogan in this magnet, which is apparently thought to be competely normal. It just flabbergasts me how much gender-stereotyping exists in this supposedly "advanced" society. When I was growing up, nobody EVER told me that my gender restricted my life choices or what I should be good at. Being a housewife, or depending economically on my husband in any way, was unthinkable. If anything, I spent two or three hours a day on Math Olympiad  from 3rd grade onwards, and beat all the boys (although sadly, those days are gone forever).

Obviously, there are female maths geniuses in the US, and there are plenty of good-for-nothing housewives in China, but it helps to question sometimes: which place really has the more deeply ingrained gender stereotypes?

Summer Reading: The First Batch

Off to the Reg to return all my thick, dusty political philosophy books!

I intend to come back to these new ones ^_^


Salman Rushdie: Satanic Verses

William Faulkner: The Sound and the Fury

VS Naipaul: A House for Mr Biswas

John Foules: The French Lieutenant's Woman

Sarah Waters: The Night Watch

Chinua Achebe: Things Fall Apart


Oh the joy of reading, how I have missed you!

I WANT

Tetris Sticky Notes

人生不能象做菜，把所有的料都准备好了才下锅

《饮食男女》中的这句台词像一道名菜一样，值得反复品味。

人毕竟要敢于闯荡，敢于冒险。我觉得自己就是想的太多，但总没有胆量迈出那一步。直到今天真坐在毕业典礼的观众席中，看着几个好朋友在台上领到毕业证书，才意识到他们已经走出了象牙塔，跨出了人生真正的第一步。好友转身对我说：“你想没想到，明年台上的那些人就是我们？”　是啊，走出校门的时刻离我们越来越近了。

我准备好了吗？

Beaufort: The Last Push

I am writing a paper on this movie as I type this, but I find myself physically unable to make progress because the film has traumatized me so much emotionally. Yes, one must learn to separate academics from emotion.

But, WATCH BEAUFORT. It is an amazing film. Amazing. Amazing.

Questions

I'm really getting my  much-needed daily dose of political philosophy from this Machiavelli class.

He teaches us to use cruelty, not just when necessary, but be capable of using it at any point in time. He teaches us to not trust relationships based on loyalty, but on those based on obligation. He calls religion false and the attacks the Church,and calls for us to rely on our on virtues instead of chance and fortune. He teaches that generosity is bad and will never be appreciated.


1. Does it makes me a bad person if I find his teachings to be enlightening and sound advice?
2. Forget about Machiavelli, hell, my dad could have taught me the exact same stuff. My 21-year old friend from Beijing could have taught me this stuff. Is Machiavelli overrated, or are Chinese people just so much more cynical?

30 Day Song Challenge: Day 25

Day 25: A song that makes you laugh

This song is just so awesome. I'm obsessed with the Scottish accent, I think this song is what got my infamous Irish/Scottish accent imitations started in the first place. *ashamed*

30 Day Song Challenge: Days 23, 24

At this point I've given up on following the rules systematically, instead I'm just picking the days that appeal to me.

Day 23: A song you want to play at your wedding

I feel like this is not an obvious wedding song, but it really is so sweet and really expresses how two people in love should feel about each other, and of course, how one should live life.




Day 24: A song you want to play your your funeral

I'm not really into funerals. When I die I want to be cremated (in true atheist fashion I don't believe in burials and letting my corpse waste a completely lovely plot of land), I don't want people trying to "remember" me by listening to someone drone about my life and then eat a huge meal afterwards. That's all bullshit. When a life ends, it ends. What matters is that I've lived it to the fullest, but if I must choose..

Go on

This has been my best quarter at UChicago, but as of yesterday it became the worst. Where does this shittiness come from? Well, I owe all my gratitude to CAPS for fucking up my summer and OIA for bitching me out and making me cry on the 171.

There is a lot of things to sort out, a lot of things, and thankfully those who knew about this have been immensely helpful and supportive. Right now, I just walk through campus and sit through classes, trying to suppress all my anger and stress, while listening to Jack Johnson on repeat.

"What is the purpose of my life
If it doesn't ever do
With learning to let it go.."

A quote from the brilliant Niccolo Machiavelli

"When evening has come, I return to my house and go into my study. At the door I take off my clothes of the day, covered with mud and mire, and I put on my regal and courtly garments; and decently reclothed, I enter the ancient courts of ancient men, where, received by them lovingly, I feed on the food that alone is mine and that I was born for. There I am not ashamed to speak with them and to ask them the reason for their actions; and they in their humanity reply to me. And for the space of four hours I feel no boredom, I forget every pain, I do not fear poverty, death does not frighten me."

- Niccolo Machiavelli
letter to Francesco Vettori
December, 1513.

The above may be among the most eloquently written paragraphs I have ever read. It reminds me of why I live to read, and of the knowledge of the ancients that never cease to be a source of inspiration.

30 Day Song Challenge: Days 17 - 19

Day 17: A song you hear often on the radio.

Does Pandora count? I listen to the Mumford & Sons station, so this is an obvious answer.



Day 18: A song you wish you heard on the radio

I wish the radio would play nothing but Donavon sometimes.



Day 19: A song from your favourite album

Hopes and Fears  - Keane 2004 <3

30 Day Song Challenge: Days 15 and 16

Day 15: A song that describes you.

Day 16: A song that you used to love but now hate.



Oh Simple Plan....how I used to be obsessed with you. When you were super popular, I would get angry when other people said they liked you because I discovered you "first". When I lived in New Zealand and dreamt out getting out day and night of my boring fourteen year-old life (ironic now that I just want to go back), you gave me so much "hope" through your angsty "I hate my parents and my life"-esque lyrics. Ohhhhh Simple Plan...

30 Day Song challenge: Days 12-14

After a brief hiatus, I am back to gush over, and hate on, more songs.

Day 12: A song from a band you hate.

I'm sorry, but this is exactly why bands that dominate music charts suck.

Day 13: A song that is a guilty pleasure.

Ok, I secretly want to rise out of the water in a lizard? skin suit and then wiggle my body by the ocean.

OK!!! I love this song... *embarassed*

Day 14: A song that no one would expect you to love.

In my defense, this song is really catchy! 

30 Day Song Challenge: Day 11

Day 11: A song from your favourite band.

I wish their brilliance is more appreciated.

Singapore Elections 2011

The election was historical in many ways. For the first time ever, the opposition (Worker's Party) successfully contested a GRC and won 5 seats. The voices and actions of young people made a significant impact on the results of the election - they voiced their dissent through Twitter and Facebook, which culminated in a tidal wave that the PAP (and especially MM Lee) could not have expected.

However, aside from this seemingly positive move towards democratization, its implications are sobering. The Worker's Party platform, which claims they need to be in parliament to keep the PAP in check, is not a valid reason for the residents of Aljunied to support them. The first and foremost responsibility of these MPs are to address the concerns of residents in their daily lives, improve living standards, bridge the income inequality gap, and so on. Their job is NOT to use Aljunied as a platform for future electoral success while ignoring the actual problems of people they are representing. The people, too, are voting for the opposition not because of their policies, but out of hatred for the PAP. Is that really a legitimate reason? Voting for an inexperienced group of politicians simply because the PAP has been in power too long does not seem to be the best solution for improving lives of these individuals. Furthermore, the young generation seems to have completely forgotten Singapore's humble beginnings and the tough issues the country still faces. They need to elect a government capable of producing the best for the country, not those who want power simply for the sake of "democratization".

What does the 2011 election mean for Singapore? Only time will tell...

30 Day Song Challenge: Day 10

Day 10: A song that makes you fall asleep.

I'm going to interpret this as falling asleep in a good way. =)
The instrumentals are amazing.

30 Day Song Challenge: Day 9

Day 8: A song that you can dance to.





Best. Dance. Song. Ever.
Stromae's expression in his cubicle = my life
Chugging a beer sounds pretty good right now. -_-

30 Day Song Challenge: Day 8

Day 8: A song you know all the words to.



Keane <3

I hate the feeling of helplessness

- when you know you are drifting apart from someone, and you can't do anything about. It's like watching your life unfold on the sidelines, as nothing but a spectator.

- when you know horrific things are happening in the world every day, and you can only watch as leaders make more detrimental decisions and destroy people's lives, squashing them like ants.

- when you know you are being pushed towards a different direction from where you want to go, but it's like you boarded a bullet train, with no stops. So you either stay on it till the end, or jump off with disastrous consequences

- when you miss your family and friends, but you can't just go home and see them.

-

30 Day Song Challenge: Day 7

Day 7: A song that reminds you of a certain event.

At my high school graduation, all of us Chinese speaking students, from the mainland and Taiwan, Malaysia, Hong Kong...sang this together.

别管以后将如何结束 至少我们曾经相聚过
不必费心地彼此约束 更不需要言语的承诺
只要我们曾经拥有过 对你我来讲已经足够
人的一生有许多回忆 只愿你的追忆有个我 。

It was a fitting end to those happy years.

30 Day Song Challenge: Day 6

Day 6: A song that reminds you of somewhere.

Oh Beijing....and the video just brings back memories of biking home from school in narrow hutongs in the summer, past old people playing chess, willow trees, and eating watermelons in the yard.



This song just reminds me of summer, summer anywhere. That holiday to the Barrier Reef, biking along East Coast Beach, good times. good times.

30 Day Song Challenge: Day 5

Day 5: A song that reminds you of someone.

30 Day Song Challenge: Day 4

Day 4: A song that makes you sad.



Her voice is heartbreaking.

30 Day Song Challenge: Day 3

Day 3: A song that makes you happy.

This song reminds me of the beach, blue skies, sunshine, love, and all the beautiful things in life.

30 Day Song Challenge: Day 2

Day 2: Your Least Favourite Song

There are lots of candidates contending for this position, but I think the trophy must go to the following number for its out-of-this-world shittiness. Also, this song was on literally every single radio station 24/7 when I was 14. When you're going to a pop-punk phase, the last thing you want to hear is this...although, I still hate it even though that phase is GONEEE.

Sorry Fiddy, it's nothing personal.

30 Day Song Challenge: Day 1

Apparently this is a pretty big thing on Facebook, so I thought I'd jump on the bandwagon too, but in the privacy of my blog. =)

Day 1: Your Favourite Song

I'm going to cheat here because I have two favourite songs.

1. This song is very ordinary, ordinary in the sense that it isn't a soulful ballad or sung by powerful voices. Still, it never failed to inspire me everytime I listened to it. It's truly a life anthem.



2. Sous le Vent is one of those songs that make me gush at the perfection of music. Beautiful melody, beautiful voices, beautiful lyrics in a beautiful language. The lyrics are poetry. Also, how hot is Garou?!!

The Sun Never Says

Even after all this time
The sun never says to the earth,
"You owe Me."

Look what happens with
A love like that,
It lights the Whole Sky. 

- Hafez

2011年4月6日

今晚实在想不出意义深刻的标题，索性也不再为此费神。这一篇无名也无大碍 - 本人只欲轻微整理思绪，写下最近思考过的几件事，以便清理混乱不堪的脑海。

1. 一个月没更新博客了。原以为写这种东西纯粹是浪费时间的新潮方法，更没期望有任何读者，所以每次写下的内容极其无聊空虚，写完后恨不得马上删掉。没想到，写博客也是上瘾的。这就像我弹钢琴的历史一样。弹的时候抱怨自己没有天分，只想摔下琴盖，扬长而去。现在不弹了，可是每天都手痒痒。今天下课后终于鼓起勇气去Goodspeed Hall的钢琴练习室弹了一首舒伯特的Fantasie in A Flat Minor，之后感到心中格外舒畅。于是，深受启发的我决定重返博客世界。钢琴也好，博客也好，明明是自己喜欢的东西，何必不去做呢？

2. 虽然现在是快乐的，前一段时间的极度郁闷依然刻骨铭心。活到20岁，我还从未经历过如此的焦愁。那时，每天醒来后心中一片灰暗，待人处事都要强迫自己挂着一张笑脸，实在是痛苦。回想起当时踏入的心理误区，我觉得最重要的变化是心态。最近，一个朋友感叹道, “我觉得自己越来越是一个想成为天才的蠢才。” 的确，我们对未来的迷茫，对自己实力的疑惑，对幸福的憧憬，这些都依然存在，可是我成熟了。这些东西不能构成葬送幸福的理由！

3. 老子在道德经里说道，“企者不立，跨者不行。” 我越来越清楚地意识到，这句话市多么精确的概括了人与成功的关系。最有意义的人生定是先苦后甜。年轻时，不必去刻意追求尚未属于自己的地位和称号。人生像座山，翻过去就是一马平川。我的姥姥童年丧母，少年遭遇日本侵略后倾家荡产，青年和中年忙于工作、持家，为供丈夫的弟妹上学而省吃俭用。只有到了晚年，她看到自己的两本著作成为汉语语法的权威工具书，两个女儿事业和家庭都幸福美满，才真正体会到人生的甜头。


生活就是一个七日接着另一个七日。前进吧。

为日本祈福

上周四的九级地震和海啸摧毁了日本北部的沿海地区，包括鲁迅居住过的仙台。目前，受难者数目已经超过2000人，受伤人数达到上万。这是多么可怕的一场灾难！

一周前，我还在抱怨着芝加哥多变的天气和距离不远的期末考试。想到即将降临的天灾，当时的不快显得多么幼稚！一天后，我盼到了远在东京留学的朋友发来报平安的电邮，心里悬着的石头也终于落了地。她告诉我，东京的公交系统瘫痪了，最后她是徒步从市中心走回了郊外的家。四个小时的路程，沿途只看到恐慌的人群。昔日的繁华现在只是一片凄凉。

日本人民，你们是坚韧不拔的民族，我相信你们一定会振作起来！全世界都支持着你们，帮助你们度过最黑暗的时光。请接受一个中国女孩从海外送来的祝福吧。

awwwwwwwwwwwwwww

 I want someone who looks at me the way he looks at her.

Damn you Kaká and Caroline, you just made me whimper in the Reg.

GAHHHHH

The Buddha's Wisdom

This quarter, I had a serendipitous encounter with Buddhism.

For 'Politics and Human Nature', I had been prepared to read Hobbes, Nietzsche, Freud, and Darwin, but Walpola Sri Rahula's "What the Buddha Taught" was something of a surprise on the reading list. And as much as the atheist in me tries to deny this, I enjoyed this book immensely. There's no greater joy than finishing a book with a sense of revelation, as if the workings of the world had become clearer. I found that feeling in reading my beloved political philosophers and literary icons, but also in Dr. Rahula's work. It dawned on me that Buddhism isn't so much a religion, but a philosophy, a way of life. It does not require rites, rituals, and conversion, advocates the tolerance of other beliefs, acknowledges the absence of supernatural power (the Buddha is a leader, not a deity) and of the afterlife (contrary to popular belief, Nirvana isn't "heaven"). Rather, as I read the Buddha's teachings, there is a growing familiarity. The similarities between this and the works of Confucius and Mencius are uncanny. Perhaps, there is a reason my ancestors voraciously embraced this import from the Indian subcontinent.

One passage in the book was particularly enlightening.

"You cannot escape life however you may try. As long as you live, whether in a town or in a cave, you have to face it and live it. Real life is the present moment - not the memories of the past which is dead and gone, nor the dreams of the future which is not yet born. One who lives in the present moment lives the real life, and he is the happiest.

When asked why his disciples, who lived a simple and quiet life with only one meal a day, were so radiant, the Buddha replied: " They do not repent the past, nor do they brood over the future. They live in the present. Therefore they are radiant. By brooding over the future and repenting the past, fools dry up like green reeds cut down in the sun."  "

成功就是把别人喝咖啡的时间,用来学习

鲁迅的这句名言昼夜激励着我，但这并不意味着我能够抗拒负面情绪的摆布。

有时，望着窗外灰蒙、昏暗的街道，竟感叹自己的生活也是黯淡的。

所以，我首先要做的，是找回自己的动力。

对自己人生的追求，我一直很清楚。即使为生活和肩上责任所迫要先走一段弯路，眼中的终点站从未模糊不清。既然决定为了理想燃烧，就要敢付出成功的代价。无论遇到多少挫折，我始终坚信命运是公平的。也许走到人生尽头时，远在金字塔尖上的那个目标也还只是个梦想，但是追求理想的旅途却为一生增添了光彩。


为了自己的梦想，继续努力！

幸福的感觉

周五晚上照例和家里聊天。爸在电话里说:

" 叶子, 我们虽然没什么大富, 但是用家里的积蓄加上你的奖学金，也能供你读完大学。我和你妈的事业是步入尾声了，但是这些年的走南闯北总是充实的。两家的老人都还健在。一家三口无话不说。女儿大学快毕业了，马上就要自己闯荡人生。我想起这些，每天都感到很知足。咱们家是一个幸福的家庭。”

幸福是个简单又遥远的概念。为什么每天带着微笑醒来，怀着希望入睡的感觉在三年前那么容易找到，而如今竟然如此难？幸福无非是一种心态。人生的确充满烦恼，但是我会等待狂风暴雨后的绚丽彩虹。毕竟，la vie est belle, 生活是美好的。

关于爱情

最近，我在'政治和人性'这门课上第一次接触到了进化心理学 （evolutionary psychology)。作为心理学的新起之秀，这一学派极其准确地解释了人类许多似乎不符合生存逻辑的行为。‘爱情’就是其中最佳的例子。

人们为什么会坠入爱河？为什么我们会对一个人产生一种不可思议的依恋，对他/她念念不忘，甚至为这个人放弃自己的生命？进化心理学告诉我们，男女之间的爱慕只是为保护下一代的生存而产生的一种生理反应。在几十万年前恶劣的环境中，父亲的存在可以决定一个婴儿和他的母亲的生死。正是大自然的残忍使人类‘进化’出了爱情，让雄性和雌性之产生一种强烈的爱慕。恰恰是这种感情的存在迫使了雄性在交配后留下来陪伴自己的陪偶和婴儿，从中确保了自己的孩子不会被其他寻偶的雄性杀害。

这个理论在我的脑海中简直是晴天雷劈。难道憧憬已久的‘海枯石烂，两情不渝’只是出于生存本能？回想起和H经历过的种种坎坷，心里一片默然。曾经拥有过的幸福和后来的心碎，现在一想也不过是老祖宗遗传下来用来传宗接代的直觉。

oh，除了苦笑，还能做什么？

百年前的知己

　                                                               满江红

　　敲碎离愁，纱窗外、风摇翠竹。人去后、吹箫声断，倚楼人独。满眼不堪三月暮，举头已觉千山绿。但试将一纸寄来书，从头读。

　　相思字，空盈幅；相思意，何时足？滴罗襟点点，泪珠盈掬。芳草不迷行客路，垂杨只碍离人目。最苦是、立尽月黄昏，阑干曲。


辛弃疾, 如果时间可以倒退, 我愿陪伴你终生。

La Belle et Le Bad Boy

One of my favourite songs of all time. 
Bad boys are not a really personal preference, but the story is a familiar one. Beautiful, but doomed from the start.


Ils s'etaient rencontres sur les bancs d'l'ecole
Entre une heure de colle de maths ou d'un cours d'espagnol
C'etait un fille fun fana de football
Lui ne craignait pas les balles, c'etait le goal
C'qu'il lui promettait c'etait des ballades en Corvette
Pour l'instant en survet, il volait des mobylettes
Mais entre eux c'etait toujours complicite
Escale sur un piedestal un reve delimite
S'il devenait triangle, elle serait rectangle
La belle et le bad boy, le triangle rectangle
C'est comme passer de Joe Dassin a Jodeci
Un vrai truc de ouf style pur clip de R&B
Elle vit le grand amour, qui commence dans la cour
Se poursuit dans les tours et rime toujours avec toujours
Mais le contexte est plus fort que le concept
Son mec se jette dans les flammes et il se lave avec.

Rediscovering an old love of mine

Model United Nations, how I have loved thee.

Since the first time I set foot in the after school MUN meeting on a sweltering day in 2006, I fell love. Nothing gave an idealistic 15 year old more happiness and fulfillment than giving her the power and responsibility to solve the most pressing global issues, from disarmament to nuclear proliferation, from the Pedro-Blanca territory disputes to the trial of Slobodan Milosevic. Even if it was just a simulation.

In conferences from Singapore and Beijing, I met some of the most amazing people in life. People like myself, third culture kids and global nomads who roamed the international schools of the world but never belonged anywhere. People whose international lives led them to be passionate about international affairs. There was one Korean boy From International School of Beijing who dream of being a diplomat and bringing peace to the Korean Peninsula. There was the Vietnamese-Scottish girl from the Lycee Francais in Singapore who wanted to work in women's empowerment in South America. And then there was me, obsessed with economic development. At my last high school conference, I proudly told these friends that I was heading to the University of Chicago and studying economics, becoming one step closer to my dream. They were happy for me, having being accepted by prestigious institutions themselves. We were an optimistic bunch.

In College, I ceased being a delegate and had 4 days every year to get my conference adrenaline rush. Despite the relentless preparation work, the background guides, managing a staff of 4 or 5, when it was time for conference, I felt everything was worth it. Everything. This year is no different. After trekking through piles of snow, overcoming extreme fatigue, and narrowly dodging a potentially disastrous situation, I made it to chair the first session of World Bank Executive Board. Seeing the hope and aspirations on those still childish faces made me so happy, the happiest I have been in weeks. It is only now, five years after I fell in love with MUN, that I realise this love will never die.

THIMUN-Singapore 2007

Music for the Soul

Sondre Lerche

The Perishers

Explosions in the Sky

                                                              
                                                                  Kings of Convenience

                                                                  
                                                                         Elliott Smith

                                                                  Robert Schumann
(I am so excited to see Mitsuko Uchida play Schumann's Piano Concerto next week - One day I too will master this piece by my favourite composer of all time)

And of course, where would this list be without Jack Johnson?

About grandpa...

So the last post got me thinking about my beloved grandpa and the extraordinary life he has had. My mother has always said he is a great man in every sense of the word - intelligent, compassionate, responsible, but most of all resilient. In his 79 years he has been through more trials and tribulations than I could imagine, and his story has been an inspiration to me for so many years. Grandpa, here, I will attempt to tell your life story. I know you will always be a source of strength for me in the many years to come.


My grandpa was born in 1932 in a small village on the outskirts of Yancheng, in the northern part of China's Jiangsu province. His family, the Yin clan, were descended from China's first prime minister - a great statesman who lived thousands of years ago. Grandpa came from a family of scholars, but by his father's generation, they were living in extreme poverty and had to make their livelihood through farming. My great grandfather was a school teacher and one of the most educated men in the village, but he could only afford to send the eldest son to school. Grandpa, who was the second child, was denied an education and woke at the crack of dawn to work in the rice fields. Perhaps he would have simply become one of China's nine hundred million farmers, but everything changed when the Japanese invaded.

The Japanese invasion has a devastating effect on China, but particularly on Jiangsu province. It's capital, Nanjing, was ravaged after a massacre which left three hundred thousand corpses on it's ancient streets. Grandpa's village was not spared. The family lost everything and became refugees. My great grandmother would not eat for days in order to save food for her husband and children, and the family lived in constant fear of death as the Japanese occupied surrounding areas.

At age eleven, Grandpa decided he had to do something. He joined the local anti-Japanese resistance movement and began risking his life to help the Chinese forces. He would stand at the village gate, be on the lookout for any signs of the enemy, and alert the guerillas if anything was abnormal. The guerillas, under the leadership of the communists, eventually sent him to school. It was here that he received a high school education. After the war was won against the Japanese, Grandpa worked in the communist party's intelligence department as a code breaker. By this time, he was a firm believer in Mao and communism. The party had given him an education, built schools in the area, and defeated the Japanese. Despite Mao's later wrongdoings, Grandpa remains grateful to him, even today.

Grqndpa's talents were soon noticed by his superiors. Not only was he extremely a brilliant code breaker, he also possessed sharp writing skills. It was decided then that he would be transferred to Beijing to be trained as a journalist for the newly established national news agency. In Beijing, Grandpa began a career in journalism spanning 45 years. In 1957 he married my grandmother, a former classmate, and raised my mother and aunt in a tiny two bedroom apartment in the Haidian district. Although his salary was meagre, Grandpa was determined to send every single on of his five younger siblings to school. Each month, the family lived on pickled vegetables and rice while Grandpa sent 70% of his salary back home to his sisters for their school fees. Thanks to his dedication, his sisters are all professors in prestigious universities today.

When the cultural revolution hit, the family was thrown into chaos. Grandpa and grandma were intellectuals and therefore suffered tremendously in the new system where books were spit upon. Grandma lost her job as an editor and was sent to the countryside for "reeducation", where she toiled in the fields. Grandpa was thrown into jail. Their two young children were left alone in Beijing. Although grandma would soon return, grandpa was imprisoned for over three years, during which time he wrote weekly letters to my mother and aunt encouraging them to live life with hope and happiness. My mother often says she cannot imagine a better father than her own.

1978 came, and finally Grandpa was reinstated. He returned to work with the same enthusiasm and dedication. As a foreign correspondent he was one of the first people to visit the west after the revolution ended.To this day he would tell me stories of his time in France, Congo, Indonesia, and various other places. In 1994 he retired with honors and spent most of his time with his only grandchild, me. Teaching me everything he knew and loved, Grandpa taught me to recite poems and write calligraphy, fly kites and play chess.

These days, Grandpa's love for chess has reached new heights. He travels around the country to attend senior chess competitions, frequently winning and bringing home weird and wonderful prizes ranging from a rice cooker to a large duck. Grandpa gave me the rice cooker, so I could "still be Chinese in America", and set the duck free.

This concludes his story. It may seem ordinary, but his life has been intrinsically linked to the tides of Chinese history. Knowing the sacrifices he had made to bring the family where we are today, sometimes I feel like one thought motivates me through life more than any other - to make my grandpa proud.

Not again, no, no, no

Time: 10.25pm
Place: Regenstein Library
Mood: utterly unmotivated, tired, stressed out but finding myself unable to open the textbook sitting 5 centimetres from me.

This is all too familiar, this dreadful lack of spirit. I thought I had conquered it, but apparently some demons of the mind are more resilient than one thinks.

The events of the past two weeks have literally drained me. So much for getting through winter quarter normally this year - I feel like I'm on a bullet train to depression-ville. No matter how hard I try, the old problems keep coming back, like the fucking plague. Even if I put in my all, it's just not good enough. It will never be good enough.

Yes, I feel ashamed. Academics, school, and internships affect me too much. Yes, it literally hurts me when you give me a B- on a paper I actually liked. After being told time and time again, "Kathy, you are a beautiful writer, but your writing style isn't what UChicago is looking for," and trying so hard to change myself to please various TAs and professors, I thought I finally got it. Before this, I was actually getting good grades. It was beginning to look like my hard work was paying off. I found professors who actually appreciated me, and thought I had a A-grade BA thesis in me somewhere. But no, apparently that was too much to expect, obviously an upward trend doesn't exist in this school.

I think I finally figured it out. I know that math and science, econ, are not things I'm naturally good at. But I have always known I am a good writer. For 18 years people, newspapers, prizes, affirmed and reaffirmed this fact. The past two years I struggled with redefining my self worth so much that I naively thought that now, by my 3rd year, I have reconciled these problems. I was wrong. One set-back, and my world still comes crashing down. I will get infinitely more upset about a bad paper then a bombed econ midterm, because it is like UChicago is trying to take the last bit of self-esteem away from me. To think there was a time when I thought I was the shit...how hilarious is that.

My heart tells me the best thing for me right now is take the summer off and find my passion and drive once again. I had goals, dreams, and aspirations for who I want to be, and they are still there. I am still convinced that there is nothing else I'd rather be doing than work in economic development. I just need to be willing to sacrifice more and more to get there. So what if I'm too idealistic. Somebody has to do the job, if "making the world a better place is a stupid concept, then I am happy to dedicate my career to this stupid cause.

I can tell Grandpa is worried for me. I like to think that nobody in the world knows me better than him. My most treasured memories of childhood involve flying kites, playing chess, writing calligraphy, reciting ancient poems, listening to stories of revolution, watching red army serials after dinner, eating distinctly Jiangsu style food, all with Grandpa. When I'm home for the holidays and tell various relatives and family friends how happy I am at school and put on a happy-go-lucky face, Grandpa looks into my eyes and knows exactly how I really feel. In his own quiet way he's there for me in the most difficult times. Emails containing my favorite poems by 辛弃疾 and 苏轼, quotes from 鲁迅, his new paintings, never fail to cheer me up. Before boarding the plane four weeks ago, he pulled me aside and said, "Yezi, it's all a matter of mentality." He's absolutely right. What is life but one hurdle after another?

Grandpa, thank you for understanding me like no other person in the world.

I miss you, so so much. Don't worry for me, I know I can get through this. =)

The Beauty of Simplicity

Happiness is so simple, yet sometimes so elusive. These images make me happy and remind me once again how beautiful life is.

燕雀安知鸿鹄之志哉!

这颗心怎样也平静不下来。这样活，更确切的说是生活在这种环境里，没有意思。

这一段时间，我天天在反省，天天在琢磨，究竟为什么总是感到格格不入。现在，答案总算有了。我不是一棵会被狂风吹的东倒西歪的树苗，我的枝茎早已茁壮。不必强迫自己改变，只须学会忍耐现实中繁琐的小事。

三年前占据我全部思想的那种坚定和勇气，今天终于找回来了。久违了，自信和志向，欢迎你们回到我身边。


子曰：勇者不惧，智者不惑。

坚持吧。

Perhaps it is time to become cynical about love

Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

I don't believe in God but...

Please please make my USB drive come back to me!